Judging is a natural tendency in interpersonal communication. We tend to judge everything from the truthfulness of what is being said to the way in which it is being said in order to “measure” the person with whom we’re having a conversation. Unfortunately, while judging may be an innate trait, it can’t be described as a helpful one in many situations. When providing family counseling services, we encourage people to develop the ability to listen without judgement. That skill can produce more productive conversations and help create stronger relationships.
Benefits of Listening Without Judgement
It takes time and practice to move away from judging and toward more attentive, non-judgmental listening. But the effort pays off in many ways, including:
When we are judging what someone says, our thoughts become consumed with trying to assign value to statements. Consequently, we may miss the meaning the person wants to convey. By listening without judgement we remove that distraction and can better understand the message.
Greater openness from the speaker
When we perceive that we are being judged, in family counseling or any setting, we tend to hold back information. When a speaker determines that her words are not being judged, she feels more comfortable openly sharing their thoughts and feelings.
Speakers who get “pushback” from a listener (whether expressed or suppressed) tend to try harder to make their point, which can quickly turn a healthy conversation into an uncomfortable confrontation. By simply allowing a person to “say their piece” without evaluating their statements, you can help defuse a potentially contentious interaction.
Easier identification of areas of agreement
When a listener judges a speaker, areas of agreement between them can be easily overlooked in the heated debate that ensues. More mindful listening allows both parties to find agreement in opinions and outlooks. And those places of common ground can serve as a foundation to build a stronger and healthier relationship.
Increased receptiveness to new ideas
The most productive conversations involve give and take on both sides. By listening without judgement, a person increases the chances that the speaker will respond in kind and be more open to consider a different point of view.
Tips for Better Listening
In addition to listening without judgement, there are other ways you can help make conversations more positive and productive. For example, do your best to enter a conversation without preconceived ideas about the outcome. Instead, tell yourself that you will assess what has been said after the fact.
Maintain eye contact so the other person knows you are interested and engaged. Find a good place to converse without interruption. Also, set aside ample time for the discussion, and allow for pauses during which the other person can collect their thoughts. And, restate what you hear from the other person so they can confirm or correct your understanding.
Family Counseling Based on Attentive Listening
Listening without judgement is an important skill for all, and is included in our Mental Health First Aid courses. And it is certainly at the core of our family counseling services. If you and your family are looking for guidance in resolving relationship issues, contact us online at communityreachcenter.org or by phone at 303-853-3500 Monday through Friday, 8 a.m. to 5 p.m. We have centers in the northside Denver metro area of Adams County including the cities of Thornton, Westminster, Northglenn, Commerce City and Brighton.